The story of me and my body

One thing that I have come to realize is how much our history with weight gain or loss can reflect on who we are as a person. Our bodies reflect a constant story that we tell. A reflection into our souls. A mirror of our life and state of mind.

My journey is so clear when I look back now, but at the time it was just a frustrating set of events. I can really see how my roller coaster ride up and down with my weight was reflecting my self image. I think I lost and gained a significant amount of weight during my first marriage about 4 different times over a 13 year period of time. I have often told people that I have been overweight more than thinner. This is very true. But why did I put it back on after losing it every time? I used to think it had to do with having babies or moving or something like that. While that is the surface truth it wasn't the real reason that I have come to understand now.

My first marriage proved to be a school of learning for me. I want to explain that I went into that marriage with very unrealistic expectations. I didn't really love myself and I looked to him to fill in that void. No human being can do that for someone else completely. When I still felt my needs were unmet by him, I coped with food (unknowingly). I was not the best wife but I wasn't the worst either. I could have done a lot of things better but I was stuck. Stuck between my own unhappiness and the nonacceptance I felt from him. I always felt like he was a better person than me. I felt like I was the screw up and it didn't help that he eventually reinforced my fears by his comments and disapproving nature. All of these things led eventually to the divorce.

During and after the divorce I began to lose weight, but very slowly. It's been about 4 years since that divorce and I have lost about 70 pounds total. The thing that has amazed me the most is that I haven't gained it back. I never maintained weight loss in my past. I lost it and maybe maintained it for a few months but always began to gain again. Why now? What's different? That is what I have thought and thought about and the answer is so obvious to me now. It's because my self image is different! When I was married for all those years I had a very low self image. I saw myself as ugly and fat and lazy. I lived up to that image, over and over again. When I got away from that situation, I began to redefine myself without even knowing. It certainly took awhile, but as good people came into my life and spoke words of belief into me, it lifted. When I began to read positive books and scriptures, it lifted. When I accomplished things that I never thought I could, it lifted and consequently my weight matched my self image. I never put weight back on because it wouldn't match the way I see myself internally. Does that mean that I don't ever gain any weight? No! My weight fluctuates up a bit here and there, but I don't let it get out of hand. Without being aware of all the undertones, I pull in the reins and eat less instinctively. It's almost bizarre to me how subtle all of it is.

An illustration of your body naturally matching your self image is when you hear people say that their body seems to gravitate toward a certain weight. They think it's because their body feels comfortable at that number. What I believe is that they gravitate toward that number because it is as comfortable as they feel about themselves. They can't see themselves as thinner in their mind and they certainly don't have the esteem to support more. Passing that weight feels foreign to them and the sabotaging begins until that person get's to a place that is too far in the other direction and their self image and self esteem kick in to stop them from overeating anymore.

The point I'm making is that you must change your self image before you can change your body for good. You may lose all your weight but you won't keep it off if your self image and self esteem don't support it. The way to change your self image comes in changing your subconscious mind. Your subconscious mind is what makes up your belief systems about anything and it is what governs your long term patterns or actions. It records everything that your conscious mind is taking in. When you keep having recurring thoughts about yourself or situations it develops into a belief system internalized into your subconscious mind. The way to reprogram your subconscious is to pour new information about yourself in. Start reading good positive books like "The Power of Positive Thinking" by Dr. Norman Vincent Peale. Begin to read the Word of God which tells you how the Lord thinks about you. Listen to great speakers on CD while your driving, etc. Surround yourself with people who believe the best about you and tell you. Then you need to get a new image fixated into your mind. Really see yourself as you want to be. Get very clear about this image because that is a necessary ingredient in matching your body.

Pour new truth into your heart and head and over time your conscious reprogramming will begin to change your subconscious. Then and only then will you get the body you really want because you will feel like you fit into it! You will feel worthy to receive it naturally. It will just happen!