Can you see it?

I have had a very hard time coming back to you in this forum. I suppose it’s because I didn’t know what more I could say that could be relevant. I have probably had the biggest writers block of the century which wasn’t helped by detours that have occurred along the way. For one reason or another, I am again writing today for me. Writing because I have something to say. Writing because I need to hear what I have to say and writing because maybe you’ll eavesdrop on what it is that I’m saying and possibly be helped by it as well.

Recently I and several others have been participating in what’s called the Burning Bridges 8 week Weight Loss Challenge. I wanted to do this challenge in order to inspire others to action through accountability and group support. While I am not competing in this challenge, I am participating in it. I figured that I needed the help as well. What has happened has been very humbling to me. My actions haven’t matched my intentions. Maybe you can relate. I definitely see that I am the poster child for people struggling with a commitment to weight loss. This can either be seen one of two ways by those watching me….. Either they see me as a hypocrite or they see me as one of their own. But what do I see in all of this? I see that I am stopping myself from succeeding. I can imagine a number on a scale that would gratify me so very much. A number that would finally prove that I came the whole way….. That I mastered this struggle over my weight. Unfortunately the problem is that I realize that I can have that number on the scale but I won’t allow myself to have it. I am in my own way. Why? Because I can’t truly see myself at that number!!!!! I can’t see Heather at 135lbs.

Your surroundings home, personal care, pets, clothing, and body are all reflections of how you see and express yourself. Do these reflect your true self?
-Christiane Northrup, M.D.

As I look back over my life I can see how my outer surroundings reflected how I saw myself…. Good and Bad! As I have lost my weight over the years…. It naturally came as I began to see myself as more beautiful and worthy of it. As I inched my way toward new numbers I seemed to vacillate for awhile in each weight class, almost like trying it on for comfort to make sure it felt right. I can distinctly remember stalling around the 200’s then again at the 190’s and 180’s and for a very long time at the 170‘s. I think I stayed at the 170’s for such a long time because I carried that weight for many different stages of my life. It seems that 170 was perfectly suited to how I imagined myself. It was as good as I could see for me (even though I wasn‘t happy there). But after sometime and some inner growth, I was able to raise my vision of myself and my weight corresponded. I am now steadily rooted in the low160’s. I may travel into the 150’s for a short time but I won’t stay there because I know I don’t truly feel comfortable there yet. My guess is that as I raise my vision again and dwell on myself in that new light…. I will naturally slide into the 150’s and so on. My only hope is that I can do this faster than I‘ve done so far. But I don’t want faster if I am not able to really believe the final number. Otherwise I will go right back to the number I truly believe about myself. Who wants to get excited about losing weight only to put it right back on. It’s like getting a chance to touch the golden ring and then have to give it right back….. Painful! I’m sure many of you out there can relate to this.

It’s so sad because if I was looking at me objectively like I look at all of you, I would tell myself to see the magnificence in me. I would say…. “Heather, allow yourself to move on.” I would want to pour truth into my thoughts by telling myself who I really am and not what I have believed I am. This is probably why I want to do it for all of you. It helps me to hear the words as well. I find healing in showing you how beautiful and powerful you are in creating the good in your life. I find strength in breathing my encouragement in your direction. I may not be the vision of what I want yet….. But helping you allows me to catch a glimpse of it.

Won’t you come into the garden? I would like my roses to see YOU!
-Richard B. Sheridan

My wish for you and me is that we will begin to raise our vision for ourselves. That we will begin to love ourselves in a way that opens room for that vision to take root. Realize that who you really are is not what you see in the mirror. Find ways to see yourself the way you were created. Once you can fix your eyes on who you really are….. You will see that person in the flesh. Right in front of you, in your reflection. Don’t let that mirror tell you who you really are right now because that’s just the image of your belief about you. Let’s lift up our eyes to see why the roses think we’re so beautiful. When we do…. We will reflect it!