My Pageant Movie Ending

When I watch a movie, I typically choose the romantic comedies or inspirational sports stories. I do this because I love to leave the movie on a high or a happy note. I want to experience the joy that comes with seeing everything turn out wonderful. I usually don't like to see a movie with a bad or realistic ending. I have said many times that life has enough "reality" so why would I want to spend two hours of my life to get more of it. I want to experience the power of love, the exhilaration in overcoming the insurmountable or the magic that comes with laughter. I want to partake in the best qualities of the human spirit.

Sometimes endings are unforeseen. Sometimes I have watched endings that I wouldn't have chosen. I leave with the sense of misunderstanding. But many times in reflection I can see the importance of that outcome. I feel somehow touched or inspired by the experience anyway. I "get" that it depicted the multitude of all emotions and through that message I was able to see my own life story and truths. It completes a beautiful message through that necessary ending and I know that it was the perfect choice.

I participated in a Pageant last week. The Mrs. Utah America Pageant. In many ways my experience was like watching a movie. This was the kind of movie I would have picked to watch. All the human emotions were displayed. This was a chick flick and I loved it. I would have hoped that the main character, whom I had identified with, would win. But this movie would be one of those different kind of endings. Not the one anticipated but the necessary one.

I started this process to prove something to myself and to others like me. To show woman that they can overcome obstacles. I also saw it as an opportunity. Winning would open up doors but participating might crack them. Allowing me to spread my message. This is my dream!

As I began the process, I had false labels attached to it. I believed many who participate in these pageants to be shallow and vain. I ended the process with my eyes wide open and full of tears. Not the bad kind of tears, but the good kind. Tears of understanding and acceptance. Tears of gratitude and appreciation. Tears of victory and overcoming! I saw the beauty and weakness in the human spirit. I saw women who wore the faces of all of us. While their bodies weren't like mine, they had their own walls to climb. Their stories were powerful nonetheless. The heroin in their story or movie was just as important as mine was. I saw beauty in such a different way and I saw that my inner acceptance was far from being complete. This process broke me down and built me back up again. I needed it so desperately because I was in denial about my own self love and truth. Part of being beautiful though, is admitting your fears and weaknesses while you celebrate your victories and strengths. I was so worried about showing the insecure side of myself to these other women for fear of judgment or condemnation. It was almost like reliving my high school years all over again. I felt inferior because of my body and I couldn't let them have the power of knowing. I thought I had gotten past that. No. Life will teach you the same lessons until you advance, apparently I hadn't advanced. The difference between now and then, is that these women were part of my healing process. When I finally began to admit my fears and open up, I saw their acceptance and love. In turn, I saw their worries and fears. It became a sisterhood of honesty. Everyone loving and helping each other. All wanting the same ending but only one receiving it.

I didn't become the next Mrs. Utah or place in the top 5 contestants, but I did receive the Director's Award. This award was given to me because I inspired the director with my story. This award and it's meaning are the perfect ending to my Pageant movie. It encapsulates the essence of my participation and purpose here on this planet. I am to inspire and help people, bottom line! I am to encourage others to get up and face their giants! I am here to help people star in their own movie and revel in whatever ending is necessary for their growth!

Please don't be afraid of your endings. Don't stop yourself from experiencing the important journeys. It is the only way to find the true meaning in your life. I encourage you to step out of your box and expand your horizons. You will never believe what happens until you do.

I am on to my next movie ending..... anythings possible!