My Pageant Movie Ending

When I watch a movie, I typically choose the romantic comedies or inspirational sports stories. I do this because I love to leave the movie on a high or a happy note. I want to experience the joy that comes with seeing everything turn out wonderful. I usually don't like to see a movie with a bad or realistic ending. I have said many times that life has enough "reality" so why would I want to spend two hours of my life to get more of it. I want to experience the power of love, the exhilaration in overcoming the insurmountable or the magic that comes with laughter. I want to partake in the best qualities of the human spirit.

Sometimes endings are unforeseen. Sometimes I have watched endings that I wouldn't have chosen. I leave with the sense of misunderstanding. But many times in reflection I can see the importance of that outcome. I feel somehow touched or inspired by the experience anyway. I "get" that it depicted the multitude of all emotions and through that message I was able to see my own life story and truths. It completes a beautiful message through that necessary ending and I know that it was the perfect choice.

I participated in a Pageant last week. The Mrs. Utah America Pageant. In many ways my experience was like watching a movie. This was the kind of movie I would have picked to watch. All the human emotions were displayed. This was a chick flick and I loved it. I would have hoped that the main character, whom I had identified with, would win. But this movie would be one of those different kind of endings. Not the one anticipated but the necessary one.

I started this process to prove something to myself and to others like me. To show woman that they can overcome obstacles. I also saw it as an opportunity. Winning would open up doors but participating might crack them. Allowing me to spread my message. This is my dream!

As I began the process, I had false labels attached to it. I believed many who participate in these pageants to be shallow and vain. I ended the process with my eyes wide open and full of tears. Not the bad kind of tears, but the good kind. Tears of understanding and acceptance. Tears of gratitude and appreciation. Tears of victory and overcoming! I saw the beauty and weakness in the human spirit. I saw women who wore the faces of all of us. While their bodies weren't like mine, they had their own walls to climb. Their stories were powerful nonetheless. The heroin in their story or movie was just as important as mine was. I saw beauty in such a different way and I saw that my inner acceptance was far from being complete. This process broke me down and built me back up again. I needed it so desperately because I was in denial about my own self love and truth. Part of being beautiful though, is admitting your fears and weaknesses while you celebrate your victories and strengths. I was so worried about showing the insecure side of myself to these other women for fear of judgment or condemnation. It was almost like reliving my high school years all over again. I felt inferior because of my body and I couldn't let them have the power of knowing. I thought I had gotten past that. No. Life will teach you the same lessons until you advance, apparently I hadn't advanced. The difference between now and then, is that these women were part of my healing process. When I finally began to admit my fears and open up, I saw their acceptance and love. In turn, I saw their worries and fears. It became a sisterhood of honesty. Everyone loving and helping each other. All wanting the same ending but only one receiving it.

I didn't become the next Mrs. Utah or place in the top 5 contestants, but I did receive the Director's Award. This award was given to me because I inspired the director with my story. This award and it's meaning are the perfect ending to my Pageant movie. It encapsulates the essence of my participation and purpose here on this planet. I am to inspire and help people, bottom line! I am to encourage others to get up and face their giants! I am here to help people star in their own movie and revel in whatever ending is necessary for their growth!

Please don't be afraid of your endings. Don't stop yourself from experiencing the important journeys. It is the only way to find the true meaning in your life. I encourage you to step out of your box and expand your horizons. You will never believe what happens until you do.

I am on to my next movie ending..... anythings possible!

A 5k lesson about life & weight loss!

Today I want to encourage you with a recent experience in my life. Not because I am so extraordinary, but the complete opposite, I'm very ordinary! I am nothing supernatural or exciting, but in spite of this truth I have found a strength that I know I didn't possess on my own.

Yesterday on the fourth of July, I ran my first 5k. I know I have discussed the fact that I was training for this, but to know that I actually accomplished it, humbles me and teaches me in ways that I won't forget. Today I want to pass on some of the insights that I have had in reflection of this experience.

The first thing you need to know is that I didn't train at all in the two weeks leading up to the run. This is not something I recommend. I have been so preoccupied with preparations for the pageant that I completely put my 5k preparations on the back burner. I seriously remembered about running in the 5k, two days before I had to do it. This fact leads me to the next thing to tell you.

Because I wasn't even thinking about the run, I forgot to pre-register and now would have to pay the full amount on the day of. This was so frustrating to me because of my procrastination, which has been a problem for me over my life. But I was determined to do this 5k, so with lack of training and having to pay more money, I would show up and participate anyway.

The day of the run, I woke up later than I normally do. I was completely frazzled by this and the little time I had to get ready to go. I jumped in my car and flew over to the event. I ran up to the registration table with less than 5 minutes before it would start. I asked them if I could still register to run. The woman said that it was too late to register, but I could run unofficially. This means I wouldn't get an official time. I certainly wasn't trying to run this in a certain time frame, it was to participate and finish. However, I was kind of let down with the fact that I wasn't officially "in" the race. I walked over to where all the runners were and waited for the start.


As I stood there waiting for the countdown to start, I looked around me at the other runners. Most people were in pairs or groups together. I saw just one or two isolated runners by themselves in my area. I felt out of my element and alone. I felt like a fish out of water. Everything about the last two weeks with the lack of running, the pre-registration procrastination, the waking up late that morning and the inability to be officially entered, made me feel so discouraged and defeated. However, I didn't have much time to dwell on that because I heard them say 30 seconds to go.

The shot went off and we started to run. I was determined not to try to go faster than I normally would just because others were around. I didn't want to get too tired, too fast. After about 1 minute, I noticed how everyone was passing me. When I was training for this, I had no idea how fast I was going because I was all by myself, but I thought I was faster than it looked to me right now. I didn't look behind, but I felt like I was in the back of the pack. This was disheartening to say the least. Next, I noticed how fatigued I was getting right away. I never got tired this quick when I was training, but I hadn't run in two weeks, so I knew why. There was a hill right in the beginning of the run. I wasn't sure how I would make it all the way through this considering how winded I already felt. If I would have given up running and just walked, it would have been understandable.... but I wouldn't have seen what happened next. I wouldn't have learned a valuable lesson.

My perceptions of the discouraging events leading up to the run as well as the fatigue and hindering thoughts were so real to me... but I still ran. I pushed through it. The whole time, I was praying to God to help. He answered my prayer and did just that. A little bit past the hill and the descent, I began to pass people. I couldn't understand it. I was so tired already but I was passing one person, after another, after another. I saw people stopping to walk or get water, but as much as I wanted to do that too, I couldn't! I had to run the whole way. No giving up. I have rationalized myself into giving up, my whole life! No, I kept running. I was so tired, but I kept saying "I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me!" I just kept going!

I was all by myself out there and I remember saying to the Lord, "it's just you and me." I felt comfort in that!

As I saw the finish line off in the distance, I was exhausted. I wanted to walk so bad. I noticed people starting to walk here and there. I wanted to call out to them and tell them to push themselves... they were so close. I was so tempted to just walk for a second, but I couldn't. That would reinforce my life's story! I huffed and puffed myself all the way to the end. As I passed through the finish, the big clock said 50 minutes almost exactly. I don't know if that was good or bad for my first try, but I was happy with it nonetheless. I am so grateful I pushed through all the hurdles and finished! I feel blessed by the whole experience.

So many important lessons to be learned.

1. Preparation makes your plans easier to accomplish.
2. Procrastination complicates situations and creates stress.
3. Bad decisions don't necessarily mean a dead end.
4. When things look uphill and dismal at first, don't give up.
5. Trust God and ask Him to help. (This would be a good one to start with)
6. When the task gets long and tedious....remember that the victory is almost there.
7. Give thanks and reflect on the blessings.

I think this will help me in many areas of life if I remember to remember them. I can also see the connections to losing weight. I hope you will remember to remember them as well!

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On another note, if anyone is interested in attending the 2009 Mrs. Utah Pageant that I will be participating in, you are more than welcome to come. It will be next Friday, July 10th at the Covey Center for the Performing Arts in Provo. It starts at 7pm and tickets at the door will be $40 per person. If you buy them in advance of the event, they are $30 per person. You can contact the Covey Center Box Office at 801-852-7007 if you are interested.

Also if you would like to check out my picture along with the other contestants, you can go to www.mrsutahamerica.com and click on the "contestants" tab at the top of the home page.

I'll let you know next week how it went. Say a prayer :)